Pakalōlō Pirates: A Heinous History of Haters in Hawai’i

Pakalōlō Pirates have been spreading hatred, shwag low grade imported seed weed & unstabilized hybrid pollen from their bogus backyard breeding projects, all across the Hawaiian Island chain since back in da good ol’ days — a time when Hawaiian heirloom & landrace strains like Maui Wowie, Kona Gold, Puna Buddaz, Kaua’i Electric, Moloka’i Frost, Duckfoot, The Blood and Hawaiian Elephant could be found in abundance — readily available for visitors & locals alike, who like try fly da sky on that unique tropical terpene enhanced Hawaiian high…

During the heights of Hawaiian Pakalōlō popularity; in the 1960’s & 70’s, people routinely passed on puny Pakalōlō Pirate product, in favor of the flavor of hearty Hawaiian strains, that had been cultivated here in Hawai’i for as long as medicated memory can record.

After the turn of the century, Hawaiian Pakalōlō became extremely rare, difficult to locate & in some cases, old strains even went extinct, never to be seen (or smoked) again…

It was during the past period of Pot Prohibition & Pakalōlō Purgatory, that these predatory Pakalōlō Pirates were able to accomplish their most devious deeds; destroying Hawaiian Pakalōlō farmers livelihoods by undercutting local market prices & cross pollinating our seeds with their low grade import weed, thereby contributing to the endangerment & extinction of Hawaiian Pakalōlō.

While a Cannabis eradication program known as Operation Green Harvest, is indeed partially to blame for the dwindling Hawaiian flame — those pesky Pakalōlō Pirates, posers who masquerade as friendly members of the medical marijuana movement & play charades pretending to be comrades of the cannabis community, (all the while seeking to advance their own sinister agendas), who bare the brunt for the lack of Hawaiian bud found around town to stuff in this blunt.

Come with us on a 420 hour tour of the underground world of weed, far across the sea, in a land called Hānalei, where we will turn night to day, as we expose those pathetic pot pilfering poser punks known as:

Pakalōlō Pirates

Da 1st Pakalōlō Pirate: Captain Cook

On this day of our Lord, February 14th, in the year of 1779, a one Captain James Cook did meet his maker at the hands of the Kānaka Maoli = Native Hawaiian People of Kealekekua Bay on the Big Island of Hawai’i, for choosing poorly in regards to a dispute over theft of property — specifically one row boat.

It was on this day, February 14th 1779, that Captain James Cook and his crew learned an invaluable lessson about the fact that the Kānaka Maoli = Native Hawaiian People of Kealekekua Bay on the Big Island of Hawai’i value ‘Ohana = Family above personal property and material items — and that our ancestors were willing to fight to preserve & protect our ‘Ohana = Family.

It is a well known fact that Captain Cook was killed after attempting to kidnap Kalaniʻōpuʻu, a member of the Ali’i Nui = Hawaiian ruling class, to hold as hostage for the return of his boat.

A lesser known fact is that prior to Captain Cook’s voyage to Hawai’i, he had a botanist & cannabis enthusiast by the name of Sir Joseph Banks on board during his trip to Tahiti. Banks loved dank & required that every ship in the fleet carry an ample supply of both Hemp seeds for rope & fiber, as well as connoisseur cannabis seeds for recreation & relaxation.

It was common practice to exchange gifts & seeds (not to mention plant seeds) upon landfall.

Ironically, Captain Cook’s life came to an end due to a dagger to the chest, a weapon that was given to the Kānaka Maoli = Native Hawaiian People of Kealekekua Bay by the sailors, during the traditional gift exchange upon landing, along with other items of value.

If Captain Cook did indeed pass some seeds on to the Kānaka Maoli = Native Hawaiian People of Kealekekua Bay on the Big Island of Hawai’i — it could be said that he was the 1st Pakalōlō Pirate.

The Brotherhood of Eternal Love from Laguna Beach California

A trust fund financed gang of spoiled surfers from Laguna Beach California came to the Hawaiian islands in the late 1970’s, after hearing stories of magical, mystical Maui & her legendary scene of green, seeking to become famous drug dealers.

They named themselves “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love” and latched on to the counter-culture scene while doing everything in their power to become popular & “cool“.

They wrote false accounts of their imaginary exploits in fictional books and even made a movie called Rainbow Bridge, to promote themselves & in a feeble attempt to recreate the vibe of the Summer Solstice Celebrations of Lower Nāhiku Maui, where celebrities like George Harrison of The Beatles and the mastermind comedic genius Richard Prior, (who all lived in the tightknit Hāna neighborhood), would come share their gifts with the community & fellowship as Family.

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No cameras were allowed, as the participants valued our privacy and were immersing ourselves in psychedelic experiments of epic proportions. Cameras are a big buzz kill while traversing the inter-dimensional super high-way — our Native American elders even go so far as to say cameras steal your soul. With so many people falling off cliffs, water towers & skyscrapers, while attempting to rack up racy selfies — there has never been a time where this wisdom rings truer than it does today.

An interesting feature found in the Rainbow Bridge feature film is that when you observe the participants on video, it does not seem like anyone is really having fun or celebrating — the entire concert scene seems staged.

You would think with Jimi Hendrix on stage more people would be dancing and having a good time?

Perhaps “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love” got ahold of some of that “bad acid” in circulation at the Woodstock music festival and distributed it to unsuspecting party goers??

It sure does not look like people are enjoying themselves — it looks like what it is; a party packed full of posers & Pakalōlō Pirates.

The Brotherhood of Eternal Love” gave Jimi Hendrix LSD and then video taped his reaction to pump their popularity up in their freaky feature film:

Rainbow Bridge

To add insult to injury, they also betrayed an ancient underground surfer smuggling technique of stuffing hashish inside of surfboards, on camera, while sitting next to a poster of President Richard Nixon?!?

It is rumored that the military may have even installed a state of the art videotape viewing device in The White House & that by having the technology to watch movies right there on that 1600 block, in the heart of D.C., President Nixon may just have seen these Pakalōlō Pirates posing on video acting like hippy hooligans in heat, inspiring him to sign the legislation creating the D.E.A.

Speaking of heat…

Shortly after the release of the movie Rainbow Bridge, the Drug Enforcement Agency was formed by President Nixon’s Administration. The D.E.A. delared war on the hippies & their Pakalōlō parties, while Operation Green Harvest helicopters hovered above, to reinforce the fact that we were “not in Kansas anymore” — we were in a war — a war on drugs.

Many veterans of the war on drugs, who lived to tell the tale from that time, believe that had “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love” not been seeking fame and glory by showing off the underground counter-culture world, while pretending to be cool, we may never have seen the busts that came after the laughter…

Flamboyantly flaunting illegal drug activity did not slow the greed of “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love” — it inflamed it!

They began importing boatloads of low grade Mexican Marijuana and South American Cannabis to Maui, thereby putting many local Hawaiian farmers out of business with low prices and even lower quality.

Pakalōlō Pirates…literally…

Not only did they flood the islands with shiploads of their shwag seed weed — they also began cultivating the seeds from their bunk buds here in Hawai’i, sending strange pollen on the fresh tropical island breeze, pollen that cross pollinated many local Hawaiian Pakalōlō preservationists projects, thereby compromising the genetic integrity of our outdoor seed crops.

Cross pollination was not a concern of theirs, as they did not care about the local Pakalōlō scene — they were more invested in creating a scene of their own by simulating the underground Maui counter-culture community, a trippy tribe that existed long before they arrived to spill the magic beans.

Perhaps the most outrageous act perpetrated upon the Cannabis Community by “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love“, was the outlandish claim that they created the legendary landrace Hawaiian sativa strain; Maui Wowie, & that they did so by carelessly crossing Indica seeds found in hashish imported from Afghanistan with a South American sativa strain they named Lightning Bolt.

Anyone who has known & grown Maui Wowie knows she is a Hawaiian sativa strain displaying absolutely zero traits & qualities of a Indica from Afghanistan. Maui Wowie flowers in 11 plus weeks, Afghanistan Indica strains finish up in around 8 weeks. Terpene profiles from Hawaiian sativa strains & South American sativa strains vary vastly, whereas Kona Gold smells of a sweet tropical honey cut with a sharp dash of lemon — Colombian Gold smells like a medicinal Mojito with heavy hints of lime & mint. Kona Gold & Colombian Gold grow different & smoke different, despite the fact they both bear the name Gold & are both tropical sativa strains.

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(Maui Wowie is a old school Hawaiian landrace Sativa strain)

They say being struck by a lightning bolt is an exceedingly rare occurrence — while being struck by a bolt of lightning twice is almost unheard of.

As a Wise man once said:

Fool me once…shame on you

Fool me twice…you’re not going to fool me twice” ~ President George W. Bush

You have a Greater chance of being struck by lightning twice, than finding even a single small shred or microscopic iota of truth buried deep beneath the putrid piles of rabid wolf tickets that were strewn about carelessly, (like the pollen from their shwag breeding projects), by “The Brotherhood of Eternal Love”, all in the name of greed, self promotion & Pakalōlō Piracy.

They were not the 1st Pakalōlō Pirates to perpetrate hate on Hawai’i — nor would they be the last to pass their trash grass off for stacks of fast cash…

Greyskull the Grower from San Diego and his Cyber Bully Pakalōlō Pirate Pen Pals

You stay classy San Diego” ~ The legendary Channel 4 News Team Anchorman: Ron Burgundy

In 2010, as mainland wholesale warehouse weed prices began their plummet to a rate that is affordable for patients who medicate with marijuana, a slew of scheming scumbag suckafish Pakalōlō Pirate posers began posting on the cannabis forum known as International Cannagraphic (or IC Mag), as part of a strategy to consolidate all web surfing members of the island Cannabis Community, coercing them to unite under their Greyskull Pakalōlō Pirate flag & grow their shwag.

The problem was the island cannabis community was not on the internet in 2010 — we still had Green Harvest Helicopters circling our Hale = Homes & knew mo betta what the internet was from the teachings of our Kūpuna = Wise Elders who get up early & stay up late to cast ‘Upena = fishnet or “tro net” as we say here in Hawai’i.

We stayed safely in the shadows.

Many of us refused to get internet connections at properties where we grow Pakalōlō for fear of being targeted by law enforcement.

Growers have been busted at remote jungle grow locations because of elaborate sting operations involving surveillance cameras disguised & hidden in trees. We were very wary of the internet when it arrived offering to do anything & everything for you if only you would connect…

It was not until laws & attitudes surrounding Pakalōlō evolved after Oregon & Alaska followed Colorado & Washington to re-legalize cannabis for recreational purposes that our Kūpuna = Wise Elders felt comfortable coming out of the shadows & into the light with our mission of Hawaiian Pakalōlō preservation — by that time Greyskull & his gang had become quite comfortable polluting the internet with ignorance, as they pimped & persuaded people searching for Hawaiian Pakalōlō online to grow their miniature muppet baby mainland hybrids & awful amateur backyard breeding projects.

For obvious reasons real local growers on Maui avoided Greyskull & his gang like the plague — people who brag online or in public about Pakalōlō could get you busted in those days.

As Greyskull and his team’s scheme continued to grow & flourish unchecked, his canna-crook cronies conspired to promote their very own fake cannabis cup competition called the “All Hawai’i Invitational” where they of course won with their mainland hybrids:

(Pakalōlō Pirates of Greyskull San Diego Seeds posing at their invite only fake Cannabis Cup competition)

There was not a single Hawaiian strain entered in their competition, all hybrids & mainland buds.

If you are going to throw a Cannabis Cup on Maui, you really should invite Maui Wowie!?!

Greyskull the Grower from San Diego who moved to Maui in 2010 began proclaiming to the worldwide web that there was no such strain as Maui Wowie because nobody had leaped out of the jungle with a lit doobie of Maui Wowie to pass him when he stepped off the deck of his Pakalōlō Pirate ship.

Similar to scientists who declare there is no intelligence life in the entire Universe due to the fact that E.T. didn’t show up at their sweet 16 birthday jamboree to play video games, pin the tail on the donkey & eat cupcakes with them — these Pakalōlō Pirates believe they can speak on subjects they know nothing about.

Just because you have not experienced something, within your limited life, does not mean it does not exist.

Many people have hiked Mt. Everest or to along the Nā Pali Coast to Kalalau Valley on the Garden Island of Kaua’i who can share our experiences with those interested in following in our footsteps, if someone has not hiked themselves, they really should refrain from commenting on trails they have not ever hiked.

Talking about trails you have not walked is considered extremely bad form.

This logic falls flat on fake dreadlock rockin’ rasta’ imposta’ posers like Greyskull San Diego & his Pakalōlō Pirate posse.

The level of arrogance & lack of knowledge about Hawaiian Cannabis Culture, displayed by the Pakalōlō Pirates representing that Greyskull San Diego lie of a life, can be witnessed in all its witless glory on forums all over the internet.

Made up sock puppet muppet marijuana monikers like Greyskull the Grower, Joeygreen808, HI_standard_808, surfdout, kalobatchkid and one of our least favorite members of the Greyskull San Diego Ganja Ganker Gang: oldhaole — aggressively troll the internet, harrassing & bullying anyone who wants to share their experiences with Hawaiian Pakalōlō if it does not conform to their limited Pakalōlō perspective or threatens their “all bud grown on maui is maui wowie” marketing gimmick used to sell their bunk backyard buds & unstabilized hybrids.

Self named & proclaimed ic mag user; oldhaole, is a particularly nasty, abusive & overall ignorant troll who prides himself of being a member of the Greyskull San Diego Gang & claims to be an expert on a culture he knows nothing about, all because he bought some property on Maui with the money he made undercutting local Hawaiian Pakalōlō farmers & slanging cheap mainland imports.

Oldhaole perpetuates the “all bud grown on maui is maui wowie” scam to market his bunk backyard breeding bud.

Oldhaole also contradicts himself in every post he pollutes the internet with.

It is absolutely unbelievable!

To truly absorb the idiocracy that is the Greyskull San Diego Gang of Pakalōlō Pirates, check out this ridiculously moronic thread on IC Mag (the MySpace of Cannabis Forums):

Hawaiian Sativas by oldhaole

These Pakalōlō Pirates have been running game on clueless cannabis connoisseurs searching for Hawaiian Pakalōlō for almost a decade!

They have spread alot of hate & misinformation in the past 10 years (not to mention California Spider Mites that hitchhiked to Hawai’i in their shipping containers stuffed full of shwag).

What they have not spread is any actual Mana’o = Knowledge & they certainly have not shared any Aloha.

A Hawaiian Seed Company from Central Oregon engages in Intellectual Property Theft & Pakalōlō Piracy

“Who is da lōlō who stole my Pakalōlō” ~ Don Ho

In 2018 the battle between local breeders attempting to preserve & protect what we have left of the old school Hawaiian Genetics passed down from our Kūpuna = Wise Elders heated up substantially like a Pua’a = Pig in an Imu = Hawaiian pit oven.

Pua Mana ‘Ohana went from swashbuckling the stunningly stupid suckafish scumbag Pakalōlō Pirate punks representing Greyskull Seeds from San Diego & defending the honor of Hawaiian Pakalōlō online to defending ourselves against a new Central Oregon based “Hawaiian Seed Company” that had engaged in Intellectual Property Theft & Pakalōlō Piracy by claiming Genetics by Pua Mana 1st Hawaiian Pakalōlō Seed Bank & taking credit for our work?!?

One of our Genetic Specialists noticed that three strains — (Hawaiian Bloodline, Hawaiian Duckfoot & Hawaiian Trinity) we had released online & to dispensaries in Oregon (where “Hawaiian Seed Company” is from) were listed in the Phylos Galaxy — yet our name was mysteriously… missing

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Worse yet their breeders submit unstabilized hybrid strains under the names “Kaua’i Electric” & “70’s Hawaiian” that were beyond a shadow of a doubt, not the correct strains for those famous names due to the high level of genetic variation displayed by the samples submit to Phylos Bioscience.

When we confronted “Hawaiian Seed Company” from Central Oregon with our findings they chose to challenge us for the rights to our own strains & began an online smear campaign targeting one of our Genetic Specialists for his race & birthplace, rather than making Pono = Right.

To learn mo about the imposter versions of the classic Hawaiian landrace Sativa strains Kaua’i Electric & Hawai’i ’78, our battle with the pink hat pushing Pakalōlō Pirates of fake “Hawaiian Seed Company” from Central Oregon & the online smear campaign targeting one of our Genetic Specialists — check out this epic educational — yet entertaining, experience on The Hip Forums:

~ Pakalōlō, Patents & Plagiarism ~

After almost six months of flooding our email with spam, pornography & copy paste versions of their chumpsack challenge to Genetics by Pua Mana 1st Hawaiian Pakalōlō Seed Bank — a manager from Hawaiian Seed Company sent us a apology & offered to make Pono = Right.

Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian reconciliation ceremony.

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Ho’oponopono means “to make right right”.

In the Spirit of Aloha, we put past transgressions aside & accepted their apology.

Da Peter Pan of Pakalōlō don play dat

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Pua Mana ‘Ohana is blessed to have people all around Planet Pakalōlō representing our movement of Hawaiian Pakalōlō preservation.

While Pua Mana ‘Ohana was created by our Kānaka Maoli ‘Ohana = Native Hawaiian Family, we welcome people from all around the globe to embrace our medicine & our teachings passed down by our Kūpuna = Wise Elders.

We do not discriminate against people based on race or birthplace — what we look for are skills, a passion for Pakalōlō preservation & most importantly; Aloha.

We have ‘Ohana = Family members of Hawaiian decent born & raised right here in Hawai’i, as well as ‘Ohana = members of Jewish ancestry, who were born in the Ukraine & raised in Chicago, who joined Pua Mana ‘Ohana on our mission of Hawaiian Pakalōlō preservation.

A Genetic Specialists representing Pua Mana 1st Hawaiian Pakalōlō Seed Bank by the name of Dr. Kerry Huaka’i Emerson recently undertook the monumental task of schooling these ignorant Pakalōlō Pirate posers all about the joys of Hawaiian Pakalōlō — challenging their pathetic “all bud on maui is maui wowie” paradigm.

Moving from school to school as a wild child with hand me down clothes (can you say Spandex?) inherited from ones Wāhine = Female Korean cousins, while sporting shaggy hippy hair at the behest of ones Grateful Deadhead parents, equips one with a certain set of skills when it comes to serving bullies up proper…

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As Greyskull San Diego & his tretcherous troop of fake dread mop rockin’ rasta’ impostaz who reek of poop & really don’t know the scoop, frequent online forums & chat rooms — we took the battle directly to their synthetic cyber-astro-turf to teach these Pakalōlō Pirates the meaning of the word:

Served

Pua Mana ‘Ohana invited Greyskull & his punk Pakalōlō Pirate posse to discuss the issues on 7/10/2018 (International Dab Day) via a neutral platform called The Hip Forums, where free speech is valued & none of the Greyskull Gang administrators who run IC Mag could clean up the severe servings we dished out — they declined as it is apparent they only play with a stacked deck — yet still were served severly for their Pakalōlō Piracy.

For those of you who would like to learn mo’ about Greyskull the Grower from San Diego, his punk Pakalōlō Pirate posse & the hashtag #FakeDreads — here is a link to a Dank Detective Drama we like to call:

Where in the World is Greyskull San Diego?

While the bud book burning nug nazi nuisances of the Greyskull San Diego Gang are working as hard as they can to delete, destroy & discredit Hawaiian Pakalōlō & local breeders, the fired up Forces of Light are still successfully sharing ‘Ano ‘Ano = Seeds, Mana’o = Knowledge & Aloha = Love with patients seeking Hawaiian healing all around Planet Pakalōlō.

Game Over Man

With the advent of laboratory analyses, terpene profiles & cannabis Geneome sequencing, this is no longer an issue to debate based on hearsay & local legends — we now have data to back up the fact that Hawaiian Pakalōlō is old school cool:

Hawaiian Pakalōlō strains like Hawaiian Bloodline Sativa & Hawaiian Duckfoot Indica are perhaps the most prehistoric Pakalōlō found in all of the Phylos Bioscience Galaxy, displaying a lower level of genetic variation than the vast majority of new trendy hybrid genetics on the market today:

As sativa science evolves & grows (literally) into the fields of future, we will learn mo’ about Hawaiian Pakalōlō.

Until that glorious day, if a pack of Pakalōlō Pirates approaches you attempting to push their pathetic unstabilized hybrid backyard breeding projects on you and your crew you know just what to do:

Just Say No”

Or as our ‘Ohana = Family at Leafly say:

Just Say Know”

(The Blood, also known as Hawaiian Bloodline Bx1 by Pua Mana 1st Hawaiian Pakalōlō Seed Bank is shown here cultivated & photographed by Leafly)

Aloha a hui hou

Pua Mana ‘Ohana

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